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Post by Don Underwood on Jun 20, 2008 15:26:28 GMT -5
What do you conceder a Friend in arm wrestling ? Someone you pull with once a week and that is it or is it more than that.I had a guy i used to train with that was a true friend that we did things outside arm wrestling like football games ,party's, and just hanging out and this person more than once has gotten mad at me and all but disowned me more than once and each time we had gotten through the problems(and it was me that had done something dumb).Each time i had ask to be forgiven for my actions and he had given it(this has happened 3 times).here is the question would a true friend take the time to pull you aside a find an answer to the problem or would he just tell you to piss off?i am in this spot because of my own selfishness but should a true friend take the time to figure out a solution(i think so).i love you i love you i love you is what i used to here well was he just saying that to make me fell like it was true or did he mean it(because the last time i checked if you loved someone it was unconditionally)anyway i just wanted some other opinion's of what a friend is.should you forgive and forget or shun and hate because last time i checked a Friend was forever no matter what
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Post by Joe Hunt on Jun 20, 2008 15:49:06 GMT -5
i have got a lot of friends but just a few that i trust with my truck, know what i mean. i have some really good friends that i grew up with that i disagree with all the time. you will often hear me talk about my lil brother that is really not kin to me at all but we grew up together and have lived together all of our adult life with the exception of a couple attempts at marriage and even then we probably spent more time together than we did our spouses. what i am getting at is that we have came blows several times and we always get up dust our self off and who ever is bleeding the least buys the first beer. if you have a true friend that you love you don't have to ask all the do you forgive me or do i need to apologize crap. me and jason have had serious falling outs but none that were not solved with a good gesture, a fist bump and an ice cold BUDWEISER. never been a need for all the crying and boo hooing. We tell each other all the time we love each other like a brother but will dust your a$$ in the yard if you don;t straighten up. to put it simple i wouldn't take a million dollars for my true friends and wouldn't give you a nickel for another group just like them...lol..
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Post by Guy Lasorsa on Jun 20, 2008 15:55:05 GMT -5
That does Hurt Don , I think more than a few of us have been there. People Forgive in different ways and lengths. I would say give it sometime , If he is a true friend he will come around again. If he doesnt than I guess what you had wasnt what you thought. and that may hurt again even more but its out of your control. He also could have problems of his own if he cant find forgiveness that likely could be the case inside him
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Post by James Battles on Jun 20, 2008 17:59:49 GMT -5
Ok Don before I answer this kind of question it is important to clarify some things. Friends are there for one another but as a rule they do not impede/maneuver/impose/represent/use each other. I have a friend which I have known since I was 15 in school. The guy never asked me for a favor but possibly rarely and only with no other options. I can go through life and not see this guy for years because I know he is busy with his family too yet I would trust him with my life and his family. When we see each other it is like we have not been apart a moment. We do set down and catch up on our lives upon meeting but never to impose in any form or fashion but rather to join in activities together. This is one rare type of friend you may only find one or two in a lifetime. Then you have friends that are closer geographically and you associate daily or weekly with them. In a closer arrangement there will be more intertwining of problems and helping one another but the general jest is concentrating on the solutions is good for the relationship and you get through it. In these situations it is very important for both sides to mind the appreciative side of imposition. If your friend helps you out you make sure you show the love by balancing it out because it is more personal and constant contact. I have quite a few of these people and some come to practice armwrestling while some are in contact as Friends daily and all of them are people that I would do other things with or for as in small favors even requested via. telephone calls. I do have some friends that are going through changes and it is more of a situation where I am not imposing on them due to the changes until they are ready to come back around. These people are still friends but I can only really depend on what they give me in information about their travels /changes etc. They are still friends. Seems to me you were admitting messing up as a friend possibly in imposition of one type or another. When a person messes up like this as long as they admit it eventually the angry party will settle down but seriously if it is used as a revolving door too many times their patience will run out and replace the quick forgiveness with protective sanctions that might not be so comfortable. At least until the trust and ability to depend returns by proof. When I was very young 8 years old. I had a problem with my English Teacher. I was born with a club foot and my physical self was still adjusting. My English teacher put me in front of the class and made an example out of me because I could not touch my toes do to hip problems I live with to this day. I became introverted and failed that 6 weeks of English due to moving into a larger world of grammar but was afraid to ask for help after being ridiculed. I lied to my mother but then the grade showed up and for the next year I was labeled the liar. Did it mean my mother loved me any less? NO . I finally told the truth and my mother came to the school and all but ripped the womans heart out and fed it too her. Did she lighten up about my lie? NO I was labeled the Liar for a solid year or better after the incident. In retrospect I would have not had my mother treat me any different due to what I have learned. What I am saying is sometimes is can be very hard to mend a friendship but the harder it is and the higher you reach ... the more you learn and the stability can last a lifetime. enough said
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Post by Bill Collins on Jun 20, 2008 18:12:38 GMT -5
Friends are friends but true friends are rare and when you find one you treat them like you want to be treated…same theory as a marriage…Respect, integrity & trust is the key objective in keeping a true friend. When you control your own destiny and burn them one, shame on you, burn them twice shame on them, burn they a third time c-ya…it’s hard to recover no matter how good a friendship “was”…..The I love you theory works until it’s becomes lip service, how many chances does a person need, don’t go there a third time..If you don’t learn from your lessons why someone would want a friend like that….My theory, you can burn me and get away with it once/twice/three times, but you burn my family or true friends, it’s on!!!
On the other hand you may think a person is a true friend and when something doesn’t go there way or they “think” they know the facts, true colors come out to play…this analogy has happen to all of us.…
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Post by D U $ T Y HYDE on Jun 21, 2008 10:46:58 GMT -5
the phrase "love means never having to say your sorry" does NOT mean you never have to say your sorry...it means you don't do anything you would be sorry for because you care so deeply for that person. ..a friend does not hurt...they are there for you when you are are hurting. MY EXAMPLE: My best friend armwrestles, we hang out, i was even in her wedding!! Thats NOT why she is my friend tho...she is my friend because no matter how many bad decisions i make(and there's MANY!)she is always there for me when they destruct. She shows that much care & loyalty to me so in return i give her my honesty, love, respect, & admiration... THAT is why we are friends!! Heaven forbid her life take a turn and she decided to run-a-muck...i would not hang out with her anymore but yes i would still love her...becuse love IS unconditional.
...so if you are asking for forgiveness for the THIRD or FOURTH time...are YOU really being a friend??? You cannot ask for what you will not give!This person probly does love you very much Woody...at the same time-due to hurt, anger, or even disapointment-they just can't have you in their life....and unfortunately if its that bad I don't think you doing this off topic post is going to"fix"it honey. I do hope the best for you and if nothing else use it as a learning tool in future friendships.
TRUE FRIENDSHIPS EVOLVE FROM WHO YOU ARE-NOT WHO YOU SAY ARE OR WHO YOU WANT TO BE...
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Post by Harold "Rattlesnake" Ryden on Jun 21, 2008 11:17:38 GMT -5
Now Im not sure exactly what is going on here but I will say this!
Lets not get "Forgiveness" confused with "I will continue taking your crap"!
You can forgive someone and still decide that enough is enough. Sometimes people forgive so the person doing the wrong expects it "unconditionally"! I have been wronged many times and each time it hurt so I decided enough was enough and chose not to put myself in that position anymore...if it resulted in not being around someone than so be it.
You have heard the term " First time shame on you...second time shame on me".
If a friend got mad at me and punched me in the face...its gonna hurt. They may ask for forgiveness but being punched in the face hurts and you dont forget it...if that same friend later punches me in the face again...and I still hang around that person...who is the dummy?
My favorite thing to say is "Dont mistake my kindness for weakness" because people do all the time!
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Post by Don Underwood on Jun 22, 2008 12:45:14 GMT -5
LET ME SAY SOMETHING REGARDING MY POST .WHEN I SAY 'DONE SOMETHING DUMB' LET ME EXPLAIN. I MAY HAVE SAID SOMETHING TO SOMEONE THAT HE LIKED BETTER THAN ME. THAT IS THE DUMB THAT I HAD DONE. THE MORE I THINK ABOUT IT, A FRIEND WOULD NOT CHOOSE SOMEONE THAT THEY THOUGHT WAS CLOSER THAN THEM AND MAKE ME OUT TO BE SOME KIND OF IDiOT. WELL IM NOT !!SO THIS PERSON WAS NEVER A FRIEND. I WAS JUST ANOTHER PULLER THAT STOPED BY AND HELPED THEM GET STRONGER.YOU KNOW ITS FUNNY AT THE KANSAS STATE EVENT, HIS BEST FRIEND WAS THERE AND I HAVE NOT DONE ANYTHING TO THIS PERSON AND HE WOULD NOT EVEN RESPOND TO ME WHEN I SAID GOOD JOB (I NEVER LIKED THIS PERSON ANYWAY) ,ANYWAY THANKS FOR YOUR RESPONSE. IT MADE ME THINK A LOT AND A FRIEND WOULD NEVER PUT YOU AWAY BECAUSE YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH SOMEONE ELSE HE KNOWS. I AM A GOOD PERSON AND HAVE LEARNED FROM MY MISTAKES AND WILL COUNTINUE TO GROW .YOU KNOW IF THIS PERSON HAD NOT DONE THIS THE LAST TIME, I MAY NOT HAVE FOUND MY DRIVE TO MAKE TOPROLL THE COMPANY IT IS BECOMMING SO MY LOSS WAS MY GAIN.
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Post by Don Underwood on Jun 22, 2008 13:08:01 GMT -5
This is Rosa, Woody's wife. I don't usually keep up with these conversations and have just asked Woody, why he is even having this discussion! I think it really matters less to him than it would appear from his post. I just felt that it was necessary to put my take on the whole deal. I do agree with pieces of what has been said. A friend is a friend, no matter what. How many times do you forgive? Well my sources say, seventy time seven!!! Which means there is no such thing as once, twice, or three times!! As many times as it takes...that is if you have any character or integrity! Now that doesn't mean that you don't learn, or don't protect yourself, or continue to allow that person to use and abuse you. It just means, that the relationship changes. If that person steals from you, then you don't leave $100 bill laying around. If that person abuses your car, then you don't allow them to drive it!!! See what I mean.
What has happened in this particular situation in my opinion is a battle between who is the biggest person. I know who that is!! Of course I am going to say, Woody. Many people have used and abused him, but rarely does he let it linger. He gets angry and forgives and forgets. Now this particular person and their group of loyal friends, have said mean and degrading things that reveals their character and their motives. This tells me and should tell you all a lot about their character and integrity.
This whole thing reminds of the gang mentality. You know..."you hurt my friend, so now we all are going to make you pay!" Are we mature adults, who can decide for ourselves, who is or is not a good person? Or do we follow the one that has the most money and stature? I would always choose to make my own decisions and follow my own heart.
Arm wrestling is a great sport. I use to be more present at the tournaments until I had more children to care for. One thing that I did notice is the more Woody went to these group "practices" the more he lost matches. "Practice" was just another word for "let's get together and feed our livers". Now that he is out of that scene, I am not upset. He has had more wins, more dedication and more drive! So I say thank you to those good ole boys for building more character in my husband!!!
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Post by Don Underwood on Jun 22, 2008 21:09:07 GMT -5
well said! toproll is #1(just bragging)
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Post by Sol "Arm and Hammer"Ingram on Jun 22, 2008 22:22:07 GMT -5
Don Very timely topic I must say!! I am just getting over the "Break up" of a friendship. I had a guy that i had been training with for 3 years and beyond the training, i gave him my best as a friend, as did my wife to his! we were the best friends, at least i was to him. I have been on the circuit for over 25 yrs and have like others been more than happy to teach what i know to others. He was a beginner getting over a broken arm, and more than training, he became my friend, so i thought!! Looking back now, (he Broke off our friendship by calling me a liar, out of jealousy, on Christmas eve) i realize Don that he was never a friend, was very shallow and that i was the one who kept our so called friendship going! Worse than anything is really the fact that the Wifes have also paid the price, due to Him, blowing up!! It will always take two to make a relationship work, Sometimes you have to give alot more at times, but it takes both. It bothered me alot for the first few months, but now realize i need a true friend not someone that is Judgemental, or someone that dont think anything anyone else has accomplished is anything to him. You know Don, you can apologize for what you are responsible for, and it is then in his court and what he does with it will determine whether or not he is a friend.. In my case this guy owes a Huge apology to us, but Hell will freeze over before he does that! So now i have gotten to the point where.. I said Screw it, It aint worth my time anymore... I hope yours works out, i know mine has finally worked out..because both of us dont care anymore!
Thanks for bringing up your situation as this will help us all..
Sincerely Sol Ingram
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Post by chrislydman on Jun 22, 2008 22:37:20 GMT -5
Sol, Interesting you would respond. I would consider Dixon a friend for life. He and I went thru far more fishing in Alaska than I ever will armwrestling. Even tho I haven't fellowshipped with Dix for yrs now, I'd still give him the shirt off my back with NO questions asked. Friendship is a bond of two Souls.
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Post by Sol "Arm and Hammer"Ingram on Jun 23, 2008 12:42:44 GMT -5
chris.. I know you and my Brother are true "Friends" and even when not in the same state doesnt change that. I will talk to Dixon soon and i know if he had a computer, he would drop in. Sometimes you have to move on in a friendship, but then it seems like it was a lot of wasted years, putting into it. Take care and hope to see you soon..
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Post by Bill Collins on Jun 23, 2008 22:55:25 GMT -5
I MAY HAVE SAID SOMETHING TO SOMEONE THAT HE LIKED BETTER THAN ME. THAT IS THE DUMB THAT I HAD DONE. THE MORE I THINK ABOUT IT, A FRIEND WOULD NOT CHOOSE SOMEONE THAT THEY THOUGHT WAS CLOSER THAN THEM AND MAKE ME OUT TO BE SOME KIND OF IDiOT. WELL IM NOT !!SO THIS PERSON WAS NEVER A FRIEND. . Don, Sometimes it takes a friend (me) to tell a friend (you) what are you thinking posting this, especially when that person your talking about has the highest level of respect for his friends and armwrestling.. You may not think I’m a friend after reading this but take it for what it worth.. It’s not what you said it’s what you did, not once, but four times…I personally know the integrity of this person and you mistaken his generosity and kindness for stupidity!!!! This same person tossed me the keys to his 50K+ vehicle and said bring it back when your done and their cash in the XXX if you need anything, this same person sent me 250K worth of product with a phone agreement. This same person is a true friend that spent thousands on armwrestling and donated over and over again, this same person offered me his plane ticket because he wanted me to go to the worlds, do I take advantage of his generosity, hell no and either should you, so who’s the bad guy? This is Rosa, Woody's wife. I don't usually keep up with these conversations and have just asked Woody, why he is even having this discussion! You have a lovely wife and awesome kids and you should take her advise.. I do agree with pieces of what has been said. A friend is a friend, no matter what. How many times do you forgive? Well my sources say, seventy time seven!!! Which means there is no such thing as once, twice, or three times!! As many times as it takes...that is if you have any character or integrity! Now that doesn't mean that you don't learn, or don't protect yourself, or continue to allow that person to use and abuse you. It just means, that the relationship changes. If that person steals from you, then you don't leave $100 bill laying around. If that person abuses your car, then you don't allow them to drive it!!! See what I mean. You’re a lucky man having a forgiving wife like Rosa, if seventy seven times is a magic number than you have a balance of seventy three to screw-up, I don’t think any friend on this earth will put up with something over and over and over.. If a person steals from me he is not welcomed in my home, if this person is a friend I can leave several $100 bills laying around and not worry about any missing, if he is a friend he can use my car and it will come back cleaner that before, that’s trust and integrity. It sounds like damage control, trust & integrity is not far fetch and only one person can control it own destiny......
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Post by Don Underwood on Jun 24, 2008 15:52:37 GMT -5
first of all nothing was done 4 time's ,and if your going to take what he says without knowing what happend and try to tell me that i've done something wrong then i could give 2 craps if your a friend or not. you or anyone else knows this person like i do !(but unlike him i wont repete the things he told me never repete because i gave him my word now thats integrity) all you see is green and opportunity (thats what i saw for years)he is a good person i never said he wasen't but just because you like him a little more dont jump the fence and take the word of someone that cant tell you what happend either the only people that knows what happend is mike and i so maybe he should look a little deeper and stop telling people that im a a bad person (im not).if he has so much integrity then he would not have been tell my team mates (toproll)at a event that i was not at that i was a bragger and had done nothing in this sport thats integrity ha .i dont take from people i give and give and give he tought me alot of that so if you want to know what type of person i am just ask the people that surround me you will get the truth
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