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Post by Christopher Myers on Sept 5, 2004 23:59:31 GMT -5
> A simple friend has never seen you cry. > A real friend has shoulders soggy from your tears. > > A simple friend doesn't know your parents' first names. > A real friend has their phone numbers in his address book. > > A simple friend brings a bottle of wine to your party. > A real friend comes early to help you cook and stays late to help you > clean. > > A simple friend hates it when you call after he has gone to bed. > A real friend asks you why you took so long to call. > > A simple friend seeks to talk with you about your problems. > A real friend seeks to help you with your problems. > > A simple friend wonders about your romantic history. > A real friend could blackmail you with it. > > A simple friend, when visiting, acts lik e a guest. > A real friend opens your refrigerator and helps himself. > > A simple friend thinks the friendship is over when you HAVE an argument. > > A real friend calls you after you had a fight. > > A simple friend expects you to always be there for them. > A real friend expects to always be there for you!
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Post by Christopher Myers on Sept 6, 2004 0:00:07 GMT -5
Top 8 Morons of 2002. 1.. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP? AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.
2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting, "Please come out and give yourself up."
3. WHAT WAS PLAN B??? An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.
4. THE GETAWAY! A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas, Kwik Stop, and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.
5. DID I SAY THAT??? Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words: "Give me all your money or I'll shoot," the man shouted, "That's not what I said!"
6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING?? A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted, "This is her husband!"
7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!! In Modesto, California, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket (hellllllooooooo!)
8. THE GRAND FINALE (I LOVE THIS ONE!!!) Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, California, some folks, new to boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22 ft. boat going. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power was applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted to a nearby marina, thinking someone there could tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition. The engine ran fine, the out drive went up and down, and the prop was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard. NOW REMEMBER...THIS IS TRUE.... Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer.
Does any one else find it frightening the majority of these took place in California?? It only shows that we have a sense of humor and want to give others something to laugh about in these trying times??
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Post by simon on Sept 16, 2004 19:04:41 GMT -5
I am not very surprised that they took place here in Cal at all, I see people just this smart every day most of them hold goverment jobs.
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