Rules of a Relationship (males side)

[gambit]

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!
Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 hours.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials, AND BEFORE BEDTIME!!!

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.


;D ;D

[Valerie Beach]

HAHAHA...lmfao thats some funny sh*t!! ;D

Ya but can you have as much fun sleeping on the couch ;D.....lol

[Valerie Beach]

A WOMAN'S PRAYER

Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom,
To understand a man.
Love, To forgive him, and
Patience, For his moods.
Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength,
I'll just beat him to death!
;D

[gambit]

Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength,
I'll just beat him to death!

I know Nancy wishes for that all the time. Lord knows I am glad she isn't granted that at times.

Ya but can you have as much fun sleeping on the couch... .....lol

- The key word is sleep, so what do I care if I am on the couch if I am sleeping?

[Valerie Beach]

HAHAHA.........
watch out she just might be lucky enough to have it granted some day.....hahaha ;D

GIRLS RULE!!!! AND DON"T FORGET IT!!

[Ryan Thames]

dud ei love that stuff. And very accurate.

I especially like number 1

[Andy Souliere]

Great stuff Allen. I just have to add one if you don't mind.

1. If we ask you, "how was your day?" Please give the short version. I don't want to spend the rest of the evening listening to how so-and-so did this or that. In football terms, use the 2 minute drill - end it and move on.

[CHRISTIAN BINNIE]

So true!!!!!

[Dawn Higson]

1. The Female always makes The Rules.

2. The Rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.

3. No Male can possibly know all The Rules.

4. If the Female suspects the Male knows all The Rules, she must immediately change some or all of The Rules.

5. The Female is never wrong.

6. (If the Female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the Male did or said wrong.)

7. (If Rule 6 applies, the Male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.)

8. The Female can change her mind at any given point in time.

9. The Male must never change his mind without express written consent from the Female.

10. The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.

11. The Male must remain calm at all times, unless the Female Wants him to be angry or upset.

12. The Female must under no circumstances let the Male know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset.

13. The Male is expected to mind read at all times.

14. The Male who doesn't abide by The Rules, can't take the heat, lacks a backbone, and is a wimp.

15. Any attempt to document The Rules could result in bodily harm.

16. At no time can the Male make such comments as "Insignificant" and "Is that all?" when the Female is complaining.

17. If the Female has PMS, all The Rules are null and void!

[gambit]

Dawn,

Number 17 would work in favor of the man, actually.

Thanks,

;D

[Ty Kissner]

Allen that was some funny sh*t man, lmfao only rule i ever had in any of my relationships were for my g friends to remember only one thing, Know your role and shut your mouth , because there is nothing more anoying than a girl who speaks about absolutely nothing.

[Ty Kissner]

This just reminded of me of a shirt i saw. it reads and i believe this fully


I HAVE THE DICK SOIMAKE THE RULES

That is the only rule

[Jeff King]

Dawn,

That list sounds like 1 that should be in the office at work! HA!

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear. I love that 1
-JEFF

[C. Hennerichs]

definition of DICK:

someone who is a detective

To botch or bungle.(def. of botch or bungle:make a mess of, destroy or ruin; A clumsy or inept performance)

To spend time idly; fool around.
To be sexually promiscuous.

To take advantage of; cheat.
To have sexual intercourse with.

A fellow; a guy.
A penis.
A person, especially a man, regarded as mean or contemptible. (def of comtemptible:deserving of contempt or scorn)


SO WE CAN ASSUME THAT BEING A DICK MEANS:

you're a guy who lets his penis do the searching for something to fool around with, you do it alot and with anyone even if it means cheating. When you do get it you mess it up (botch or bungle) by being clumsy, you ruin it by only thinking of yourself and destroy the mood completely. So, therefore you deserve to be scorned and scolded for your lack of performance.


CONGRATULATIONS DICK!


HAHAHA!

[C. Hennerichs]

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Men are like. . . Laxatives. . .
They irritate the crap out of you.

Men are like. . .Bananas. . .
The older they get, the less firm they are.

Men are like. . .Vacations. . .
They never seem to be long enough.



Men are like. . .Weather. . .
Nothing can be done to change them.

Men are like. . .Blenders. . .
You need one, but you're not quite sure why.

Men are like. . .Chocolate Bars. . .
Sweet, smooth and they usually head
right for your hips.



Men are like. . .Coffee. . .
The best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you
up all night long.

Men are like. . .Commercials. . .
You can't believe a word they say.

Men are like. . .Department Stores. . .
Their clothes are always one half off.



Men are like. . .Government Bonds. . .
They take soooooooo long to mature.

Men are like. . .Mascara. . .
They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

Men are like. . .Popcorn. . .
They satisfy you, but only for a little while.



Men are like. . .Snowstorms. . .
You never know when they're coming, how
many inches you'll get, or how long it will last.

Men are like. . .Lava Lamps. . .
Fun to look at, but not very bright.

Men are like. . .Parking Spots. . .
All the good ones are taken, the rest
are handicapped.