Post by Brad Costa on Jul 27, 2012 13:51:41 GMT -5
Denis Cyplenkov's fingers are bigger than most peoples thighs. He has never picked his nose, I know this because its impossible. These are my top 10 things I'd love to see him attempt.
10. Hold a Fosters beer can - This would be the only case in human history the can would look to scale.
9. Swing a golf club - He can barely clap, him holding a golf club and swinging it... pure comedy gold. If he tried enough times, there would be so much friction going on I'm sure his shirt would catch fire.
8. Sew - The thought of him holding a sewing needle, or even trying to thread the needle would be hysterical. Denis Cyplenkov sewing is equal to an Elephant on a Tricycle.
7. Pull a splinter out of a child's finger - Just think about it.
6. Hitchhike - The obvious comedy... his thumb trying to hitch a ride. Whats better is to think about what others would think as they accelerated past him. It would be impossible for Denis to hitchhike. Who it their right mind would let that monster into your car. I need to give a guy who looks like that a ride, like I need a shot gun blast to my face.
5. Eat a bowl of cereal - The key to this one is to give him a normal sized sp0on and a normal sized bowl. I guarantee he cant use the writing grip on the sp0on, he has to go baby style... Like hes holding a microphone.
4. Grab an eyelash off my cheek - This is the equivalent of someone using a forklift to do the same job.
3. Put on a wet suit - I'm not talking about a custom made to his size wet suit, just a cookie cutter wetsuit. the upper body would fit super snug, the lower half of his body would be in a loose mess of wetsuit. A good visual would be sweat pea from Popeye.
2. Tuck in his shirt - And I'm talking dress shirt. His hands and fingers are so big, they would untuck the shirt as he was attempting to tuck it. If he ever tried to tuck in his shirt, we would never see him again... because the process would go on until he died of starvation. Side note: Denis dying of starvation would take a serious amount of time, his arm meat alone would give him a 2 years minimum to live on.
1. Dial a rotary phone - for obvious reasons... I would imagine he would just press the toilet paper rolls he calls fingers against the rotary portion and just use friction to turn it, because there is no way those beasts are going to fit in one of the finger holes.
The brad
www.pullerville.com
