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Post by Chris Ratchford on Dec 20, 2005 0:38:44 GMT -5
Q. What were Lisa-Marie's newlywed complaints about Michael Jackson? A1. He leaves the lid off the mascara, causing it to dry out. A2. That battleaxe Liz Taylor never calls before she comes over. A3. She suspects he's using her to get to Elvis' bones. A4. He touches her kids more than he touches her
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Post by Chris Ratchford on Dec 20, 2005 0:39:53 GMT -5
Q. Why did Michael Jackson cross the road? A. He saw someone blowing bubbles and thought he'd join in.
Q. Why did Michael Jackson place a phone call to Boyz-2-Men? A. He thought it was a delivery service.
Q: Why are Michael Jackson's pants so small? A: Because they aren't his!
Q. How did Michael Jackson get in trouble? A. He was feeling a little Randy.
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Post by Chris Ratchford on Dec 20, 2005 0:41:32 GMT -5
Q: Why are Michael Jackson's pants so small? A: Because they aren't his!
Q. How did Michael Jackson get in trouble? A. He was feeling a little Randy.
Q. Why does Michael Jackson like children so much? A. He knows how they feel.
Q. What did Michael Jackson say when he got back to Neverland Ranch from drug rehab? A. You know, I feel like a new boy!
Q. How do we know Michael Jackson is guilty? A. Several children have fingered him.
Q. Where does Michael Jackson go to find a date? A. Boys 'R Us.
Q. Why is Michael Jackson so tough? A. He can lick any kid on the block
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Post by Chris Ratchford on Dec 20, 2005 0:42:37 GMT -5
Michael Jackson was on a ship with 100 cub scouts when it hit an iceberg and started to sink. The captain announced, "We're sinking! Everyone abandon ship!" Michael Jackson asked, "What about the children?" The captain replied, "Screw the children!" Michael Jackson looked around eagerly and said, "Do we have time?"
A little boy goes up to his mother and asks, "Is God a male or a female?" After thinking for a moment, his mother responds, "Well, God is both a male and a female." This confuses the little boy, so he asks, "Is God black or white?" "Well, God is both black and white." At this, the boy's face lights up with understanding and he triumphantly asks, "Is Michael Jackson God?"
Michael Jackson asked his wife's doctor how soon after the birth could he have sex. The doctor told him he should wait until the kid is at least 12 or 13 years old.
The Pope has issued a proclamation on Michael Jackson. If he hears any more allegations about little boys, the Pope says he'll have no choice but to make him a priest.
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Post by Chris Ratchford on Dec 20, 2005 0:43:18 GMT -5
Did you know they're putting out a Michael Jackson stamp? People get to vote for the white or black Michael Jackson
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Post by Chris Ratchford on Dec 20, 2005 0:44:05 GMT -5
Allen.. Ask and thou shalt receive ..lol
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Post by Chris Ratchford on Dec 20, 2005 0:49:03 GMT -5
Unlimited technology from the whole universe, and we're crusin' around in a Ford P.O.S. - Will Smith, MIB
You know, I have one simple request...and that is to have sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads. Now evidently, my cycloptic colleague informs me that that can't be done. Ah, can you please remind me what I pay you people for? Honestly, throw me a bone here...what do we have? - Mike Meyers, Austin Powers
I'm your Huckleberry. - Val Kilmer, Tombstone
It's on European socialism. I mean, really! What's the point? I'm not European...I don't plan on being European. So who gives a crap if they're socialists? They could be facist anarchists...It still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a car! It's not that I condone facism....or any "ism" for that matter. "Isms" in my opinion are not good. A person should not believe in an "ism", they should believe in themself. I quote John Lennon, "I don't believe in Beatles...I just believe in me." A good point there. After all, he was the walrus. I could be the walrus, I'd still have to bum rides off of people! - Matthew Brodrick, Farris Beulers Day Off
"The Internet is a gateway to get on the net." - Bob Dole
"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers We are the president." - Hillary Clinton
"There is one thing I would break up over and that is if she caught me with another woman. I wouldn't stand for that." - Steve Martin
I was so poor growing up ... if I wasn't a boy ...I'd have nothing to play with. - Rodney Dangerfield
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population. - David Letterman
I tried to walk a line between acting lawfully and testifying falsely, but I now realize that I did not fully accomplish that goal. - Bill Clinton
Narf! - Pinky For some reason this site was created with help from Valley Solutions, Inc. Some other Valley Solutions, Inc. sites include: Auto Transport | Moving Companies | Cabin Rentals | Gatlinburg Cabins | Spy Software
Copyright © 1998-2001 by Valley Solutions, Inc.. All rights reserved.
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Post by Chris Ratchford on Dec 20, 2005 0:51:05 GMT -5
An old man was out for his daily stroll when he came upon a little boy sitting on a plastic firetruck. The man was absolutely shocked when he saw a string tied to the front of the fire truck and the other end was tied to his dogs testicles. The old man says, little boy what on gods green earth are you doin, the little boy replied, well I`m a fireman and I gotta have a siren on my firetruck.
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Post by Chris Ratchford on Dec 20, 2005 0:52:43 GMT -5
I want to give credit where credit is due.. All of these jokes can be found on Pasteeaters.com.. This is a super funny site..
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Post by gambit on Dec 20, 2005 10:30:25 GMT -5
Ahhh !!!
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Post by Chris Ratchford on Dec 20, 2005 13:22:07 GMT -5
Choo!!!!!!!..
on a serious note, i am going to try and get to Baton Rouge for your tournament!!
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Post by Chris Gangi on Dec 20, 2005 23:19:10 GMT -5
Thanx Chris......
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Post by Chris Ratchford on Jan 17, 2006 14:07:22 GMT -5
Yo mama so fat that when the casier at KFC asked her what size bucket of chicken she wanted, she said the one on the roof!
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Post by Chris Ratchford on Jan 17, 2006 14:08:44 GMT -5
yo mama is so stupid she thought an elevator was a mobile home
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Post by Chris Ratchford on Jan 17, 2006 14:19:50 GMT -5
A football coach walked into the locker room before a game, looked over to his star player and said, "I'm not supposed to let you play since you failed math, but we need you in there. So, what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you get it right, you can play."
The player agreed, so coach looked into his eyes intently and asked, "Okay, now concentrate hard and tell me the answer to this. What is two plus two?"
The player thought for a moment and then answered, "4?"
"Did you say 4?" the coach exclaimed, excited that he had got it right.
Suddenly all the other players on the team began screaming..., "Come on coach, give him another chance!"
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