|
Post by gambit on Feb 1, 2006 14:11:29 GMT -5
That's a good one, Chris! Here's another: Ray Nagin, the mayor of New Orleans, was asked his views on Roe vs. Wade.
...He said he didn't care how people got back to their houses.
|
|
|
Post by Chris Ratchford on Feb 1, 2006 14:13:22 GMT -5
Oh Mr. Catfish.. this joke thread has been quiet way too long. good one by the way..
|
|
|
Post by Carey Nick on Feb 1, 2006 14:17:03 GMT -5
Damn right thats funny Allen.
|
|
|
Post by Ryan Thames on Feb 1, 2006 15:17:37 GMT -5
that was halarious ;D
|
|
|
Post by Ty Kissner on Feb 2, 2006 10:31:38 GMT -5
Here's one foe you guys.
A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her 5-year-old son playing with his new electric train in the livingroom.
She heard the train stop and her son saying, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now...cause this is the last stop!"
And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses on the train...cause we're going down the tracks."
The horrified mother went in and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house." "Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS." "When you come out, you may play with your train...but I want you to use nice language."
Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say... "All passengers, please remember your things, thank you and we hope your trip was a pleasant one." "We hope you will ride with us again soon."
She heard her little darling continue... "For those of you just boarding, remember, there is no smoking in the train."
We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."
As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen."
|
|
|
Post by Chris Ratchford on Feb 2, 2006 11:30:44 GMT -5
Nice !!
|
|
|
Post by Ty Kissner on Feb 2, 2006 11:45:09 GMT -5
hang on you ever here of BROOKLYN TONY!
|
|
|
Post by Ty Kissner on Feb 2, 2006 11:46:38 GMT -5
The teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on Brooklyn Tony.
He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."
Then Brooklyn Tony says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
To which Brooklyn Tony replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on,' but I like your thinking."
|
|
|
Post by TK on Feb 2, 2006 12:26:02 GMT -5
too funny... wedding ring dead give a way TK
|
|
|
Post by gambit on Feb 7, 2006 14:51:07 GMT -5
Three Arkansas surgeons
Three Arkansas surgeons were playing golf together and discussing surgeries they had performed.
One of them said, "I'm the best surgeon in Arkansas. In my favorite case, a concert pianist lost seven fingers in an accident. I reattached them and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England."
The second surgeon said, "That's nothing. A young man lost an arm and both legs in an accident. I reattached them and 2 years later he won a gold medal in track and field events in the Olympics."
The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs. Several years ago a woman was high on cocaine and marijuana and she rode a horse head-on into a train traveling 80 miles an hour. All I had left to work with was the woman's blonde hair and the horse's ass. I was able to put them together and now she's a senator from New York."
|
|
|
Post by gambit on Feb 20, 2006 16:22:27 GMT -5
A Priest's Dying Request
The old priest lay dying in the hospital. For years he had faithfully served the people of the nation's capital. He motioned for one of his aides to come near. "Yes father" said the aide. "I would really like to see Ted Kennedy and Charles Schumer before I die", whispered the priest. "I'll see what I can do, father" replied the aide. The aide sent the request to the Senate and waited for a response. Soon the word arrived. Kennedy and Schumer would be delighted to visit the priest. As they went to the hospital, Schumer commented to Kennedy "I don't know why the old priest wants to see us, but it will certainly help our images after the number the Republicans have done on us." Kennedy couldn't help but agree. When they arrived at the priest's room, the priest took Kennedy' s hand in his right hand and Schumer's hand in his left. There was silence and a look of 'serenity' on the old priest's face. Finally Senator Kennedy spoke .. "Father, of all the people you could have chosen, why did you choose us to be with you as you near the end?" The old priest slowly replied "I have always tried to 'pattern my life' after our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ." "AMEN" said Kennedy. "AMEN" said Schumer. The old priest continued ...... "He died between two thieves.... I would like to do the same."
|
|
|
Post by Carey Nick on Feb 20, 2006 16:54:46 GMT -5
My ex-girlfriend called me yesterday: She said."Carey, I don't know how to change the lightbulb in the bathroom?" I said "First fill the tub up with water....." I tried to call her today and got NO ANSWER...Hey s h i t happens!!!!
|
|
|
Post by CHARLES WARMACK on Feb 21, 2006 6:33:53 GMT -5
Yep it's official, your're an idiot.
|
|
|
Post by Carey Nick on Feb 21, 2006 7:56:38 GMT -5
Go back to school Dummy.....(YOUR'RE) is not a word except in Real Pullers world. It's You're.
|
|
|
Post by Ty Kissner on Feb 21, 2006 9:32:44 GMT -5
thanks for the english lesson.should be helpfull
|
|