Dawn Higson
Bronze Member
Junior World Champion
England
Posts: 116
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Post by Dawn Higson on Mar 31, 2005 10:47:05 GMT -5
Blonde paint job A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch." A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari." i hope i didnt offend any blonds with this one!?!?  |
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Post by Valerie Beach on Mar 31, 2005 11:45:28 GMT -5
Hey Dawn hows it going girl? tell your family i said hello ;D
that was very funny btw.....lol ;D
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Dawn Higson
Bronze Member
Junior World Champion
England
Posts: 116
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Post by Dawn Higson on Mar 31, 2005 12:06:02 GMT -5
hey val it goin gud. how are you and your son? my family sed hi your were very funny too.  take care dawn |
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Dawn Higson
Bronze Member
Junior World Champion
England
Posts: 116
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Post by Dawn Higson on Mar 31, 2005 12:06:43 GMT -5
* yours. oooopppppssss   |
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Dawn Higson
Bronze Member
Junior World Champion
England
Posts: 116
|
Post by Dawn Higson on Mar 31, 2005 12:08:14 GMT -5
Only three doors An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight. The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?" The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!" another blonde joke. |
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Post by Ryan Thames on Mar 31, 2005 12:09:34 GMT -5
That one was good  |
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Dawn Higson
Bronze Member
Junior World Champion
England
Posts: 116
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Post by Dawn Higson on Mar 31, 2005 12:09:52 GMT -5
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
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Dawn Higson
Bronze Member
Junior World Champion
England
Posts: 116
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Post by Dawn Higson on Mar 31, 2005 12:21:08 GMT -5
10 Husbands, Still a Virgin
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom.
"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"
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Dawn Higson
Bronze Member
Junior World Champion
England
Posts: 116
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Post by Dawn Higson on Mar 31, 2005 12:35:46 GMT -5
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Post by Neil Pickup on Mar 31, 2005 14:10:43 GMT -5
FLUFF ME DAWN !!! I'll get you a guest slot at the Rubber Chicken............. OK, OK, OK ! Now its Oooooooooooooooonnn !!! WHAT dya call a Fly without Wings   A WALK !!! Soooo, a couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, "I have a confession to make, I'm not a virgin." The husband replies, "That's no big thing in this day and age." The wife continues, "Yeah, I've been with one guy." "Oh yeah? Who was the guy?" "Tiger Woods." "Tiger Woods, the golfer?" "Yeah." "Well, he's rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him." The husband and wife then make passionate love. When they are done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone. "What are you doing?" asks the wife. The husband says, "I'm hungry, I was going to call room service and get something to eat." "Tiger wouldn't do that." "Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?" "He'd come back to bed and do it a second time." The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love a second time. When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone. "Now what are you doing?" she asks. The husband says, "I'm still hungry so I was going to get room service to get something to eat." "Tiger wouldn't do that." "Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?" "He'd come back to bed and do it again." The guy slams down the phone, goes back to bed, and makes love one more time. When they finish he's tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial. The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?" "No! I'm calling Tiger Woods, to find out what the par is for this Fluffin hole." HAVE IT !!! Fat Lad Esq.  |
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Post by Valerie Beach on Mar 31, 2005 14:33:13 GMT -5
Dawn + Neil those were great ;D.....lmfao...haha Dawn the boy is doing great he's gettin' so big  ;D I am doing much better getin' on with the new life can't complain it been going very well ;D Hoping to make it over there one of these dayz!!!!!!! take care girl ;D |
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Post by Ty Kissner on Mar 31, 2005 18:57:45 GMT -5
What r three words youll hear on a golf course that youll never hear in a hooker house?
actually pm me if u want the answer
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Post by Ryan Thames on Apr 1, 2005 1:34:50 GMT -5
A car full of blondes on their way to florida for vacation come to a sign that says "DISNEY WORLD LEFT"
So upset and depressed they packed their bags and went home.
;D
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Dawn Higson
Bronze Member
Junior World Champion
England
Posts: 116
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Post by Dawn Higson on Apr 1, 2005 5:02:53 GMT -5
their all cool. alright neil its on.  i will kick ur fluffy behind. here we go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;D      Making Love To... How can you tell if you're making love to a teacher,a nurse or an airline stewardess? A teacher says we got to do this over and over again til we get it right. A nurse says hold still this won't hurt a bit. And a airline stewardness says put this over your mouth and nose and breathe normally. is it michael jackson little boy : mummy is god a girl or a boy? mummy: why god is both girl and boy little boy: mummy is god black or white? mummy: why god is both black and white little boy: mummy is god gay or strait? mummy: why god is both gay and strait little boy: mummy is god Michael Jackson? Crowded Subway The subway car was packed. It was rush hour, and many people were forced to stand. One particularly cramped woman turned to the man behind her and said, "Sir, if you don't stop poking me with your thing, I'm going to the cops!" "I don't know what you're talking about miss - that's just my pay check in my pocket." "Oh really," she spat. "Then you must have some job, because that's the fifth raise you've had in the last half hour!" their all just tasters. lol the queen of jokes. |
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Post by Steven Lareau on Apr 1, 2005 8:47:27 GMT -5
hahaha..... nice Dawn.
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;D
i will kick ur fluffy behind.
