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Post by Ryan Thames on Apr 6, 2005 12:05:09 GMT -5
what is ......(sic)?
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Post by Ty Kissner on Apr 6, 2005 13:12:05 GMT -5
a little old lady wanders into a biker bar and asks who the toughest Biker in the bar is?
a man Replies and says I am.
The old lady asks him."Can I join your biker group?
Biker Replies: Your not man enough she says what do mean I drive a harley just like you men do
Biker thinks about it for a minute then says sorry lady your just not strong enoughto be in our group.
Old lady responds by smaking him across the head with her purse, then hitting him in the nuts with her cane, she then follows it up by kicking him in the ribs when hes laying there on the floor.
Finally the Biker grumbles Your just not tough enough you've never been Picked up by the fuzz.
The old lady says thats true I've never been picked up by the fuzz, but I have been swung around by my titties many times.
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Post by Ty Kissner on Apr 6, 2005 13:14:04 GMT -5
What do Michael Jackson and Mcdonalds have in common?
They both stick 40 year old meat between 10 year old buns.
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Post by Garrett Stepsis on Apr 6, 2005 19:31:50 GMT -5
Got this one in e-mail today ... ;D
*************
Larry gets home late one night and his wife, Linda, says, "Where in the hell have you been?"
He replies, "I was out getting a tattoo.”
"A tattoo?" she frowned. "What kind of tattoo did you get?"
"I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates," he said proudly.
"What the hell were you thinking?" she said, shaking her head in disdain;
"Why on earth would an accountant get a hundred dollar bill tattooed on his privates?"
"Well, for one; I like to watch my money grow, and two; once in a while I like to play with my money, three; I like how money feels in my hand and lastly; instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want."
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Dawn Higson
Bronze Member
Junior World Champion
England
Posts: 116
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Post by Dawn Higson on Apr 7, 2005 17:45:25 GMT -5
that is a well gud joke.
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Post by Valerie Beach on Apr 12, 2005 8:49:25 GMT -5
An old Indian chief sat in his hut on the reservation, smoking a ceremonial pipe and eyeing two U.S. government officials sent to interview him.
"Chief Two Eagles" asked one official, "You have observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his technological advances. You've seen his progress, and the damage he's done."
The Chief nodded in agreement.
The official continued. "Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?"
The Chief stared at the government officials for over a minute and then calmly replied.
"When white man found the land, Indians were running it. No taxes. No debt. Plenty buffalo. Plenty beaver. Women did all the work. Medicine man free. Indian man spent all day hunting and fishing. All night having sex."
Then the chief leaned back and smiled... "Only white man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that!"
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Post by Valerie Beach on Apr 12, 2005 10:11:05 GMT -5
Nancy that was great......haha No I don't think we have met yet, but that will change this week..lol can't wait to meet you and some of the other ladies I have not had the pleasure of meeting yet as well ;D Can't wait we'll be there tomorrow the time has flown by, but I'm ready (so I think...haha). it's gonna be a blast ;D see ya soon!!
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Post by Ty Kissner on Apr 12, 2005 13:17:27 GMT -5
glad to se this thread is still going any way ust got this emailed to me
a secrataryand her boss Mr. Jones are flying first class on a trip from ney york to Seoul.
TheSecratary has had a secret crush on her boss for a long time so she figures nows her chance. As the boss lays their under his blanket watching the in flight movie she says to him "Mind if we share that Blanket".
Noticing the interns bluntness he says "How' d you like to be Mrs. Jones for a little while?"
delighted the secratary replies "It would be the greratest thing on earth to be your wife".
"Good" Mr.Jones replies "then go get your own damn blanket.
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Post by Ryan Thames on Apr 12, 2005 13:47:24 GMT -5
I heard that one before thats funny ;D
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Post by gambit on Apr 12, 2005 21:47:32 GMT -5
A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one. _____________________
At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. Big breaths," I instructed. Yes, they used to be," remorsefully replied the patient _____________________
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Post by gambit on Apr 12, 2005 21:48:20 GMT -5
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart.
_____________________
While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have you been bed-ridden?" After a look of complete confusion she answered . Why, not for about twenty years -- when my husband was alive
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Post by gambit on Apr 12, 2005 21:49:42 GMT -5
_______________________
I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, So, how's your breakfast this morning?" It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly _____________________
And Finally (always leave the best for last). . .
A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite embarrassed performing female pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment he had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.
The middle aged lady upon whom he was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassed him. He looked up from his work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?"
She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was 'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener."
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Post by Ryan Thames on Apr 12, 2005 22:58:42 GMT -5
I liked the one about the massive internal fart that was too funny.
ooooo ooooo ooooo I got one fer you guys
Why does Micheal Jackson like twenty eight year old boys?
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Post by Ryan Thames on Apr 13, 2005 11:38:17 GMT -5
Why does Micheal Jackson like twenty eight year old boys? cuz theirs twenty of them ;D
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Post by Ty Kissner on Apr 13, 2005 15:05:48 GMT -5
Just got this sent to me.
A little boy asks god "how are u gonna make the world so perfect when u create it?' God answers'Well son its all about complete balance"
"You see this continent here, thats Asia and their people will be super intelligent and develop the Worlds finest technology, but they'll be reall short and have really squinty eyes.
"This continent here is Africa and their people will be very fast, really tall, and survive in the jungle however, their destined to a life of poverty and crime.
The little boy says "I see, what about that country over there?
God replies"well thats canada and their people will be intelligent, good looking, super human hockey players and supermodels that drink the worlds best beer.
The boy then asks "but what about complete balance, whats the negative part about this canada?"
Well god says"wait tilll u see the snotty, arrogant people I put directly south of them!"
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